I think 1:1s are the most important meeting a team lead has. Running a team without regular 1:1s is like deploying software without alarms. You are flying blind. It is not a question of whether you will be surprised, but when.

1:1s Are Fundamental

The reason that 1:1s are so fundamental is that they provide a flexible, regular mechanism for feedback to flow upwards. Feedback is often fleeting and can cause conflict, so people don't raise it on their own.

Without a regular way to share feedback, feelings build up and can compound into resentment. For example, having a team member quit out of the blue is never a snap decision. You missed the build-up. Without feedback, it is incredibly hard to improve the situation. As a team lead, you will never have complete awareness of what your team is experiencing. You need this feedback.

Running Good 1:1s

At my first job, I was called the canary in the coalmine, since I would often raise issues unprompted. This bothered me. They had just outsourced their feedback channel to one person. They could rely on me, but only while I was still around. When I became a manager, I implemented the following two mechanisms to ensure that I never had to rely on a canary.

You Don't Own Them

The team member should own the meeting. This changes the dynamic and raises your awareness of the impact of postponing. The team member gets to decide whether the meeting is important and how often it happens. I would recommend 30 minutes, weekly, to start, but this will change as the relationship and the nature of work change. Remember, this is time you are committing to them. You can postpone, but only by asking them, and acknowledging that something important is being delayed. If you do need to cancel, you should have a plan to follow up.

Along with not owning the meeting, you don't need to own the meeting notes. Create a shared document and use it to record decisions and actions. This creates transparency and simplifies your record-keeping.

It Is About the Team Member

1:1s are about giving space to the team member to share their feelings, thoughts, frustrations, ambitions and anything else that may come to mind. I think the best way to ensure that this is understood is to always ask the same question to start: 'How are you doing?'

They will immediately start talking about work. It is important that you politely stop them and explain that you are actually asking how they are, not about work. It doesn't need to be long, but there needs to be an understanding that they come first here. This may feel awkward at first, but after the first couple of times, both of you will know what to expect. I find that this sets the tone for the meeting and helps team members understand that this time is for them. The emotional state of your team members is your early warning signal. Use it to prevent surprises later on.

This also normalises sharing their feelings and gives you the chance to support them emotionally, in addition to the technical and managerial support you will already be providing. You do not need to pry and do not push for details.

Closing Thoughts

1:1s can be run in an infinite number of ways, but I have found that these two mechanisms have brought the highest return on investment. They put you on the right path: meetings your team values, and a more cohesive and productive team as a result.